A Year in Review: 2013 and my expectations for 2014

If you've ever felt that you're failing at life then you know how I feel. When we are growing up we have all sorts of charts and expectations to measure whether or not we are progressing "normally." That of course all ends at college and then you're expected to get a job, get a house, get married, have a family and so on until you die.

I think a source of my frustration is that I've always been on top of that bell curve until I graduated college. Since then my life has fallen short of the imagined life I would have had. Now, it's nothing dramatic I'm grateful for my health, my job with mediocre pay, my family, my home, but my biggest mistake is comparing my life to my peers. I am a failure. I haven't published my book, in fact I didn't finish writing it. I just switched my career back on the track it should have been started four years ago. And for some unknown reason I cannot move out of my parents house. My life right now is like a coming of age movie except without the humor. Don't get me wrong, the ride has been great, but the biggest plague that prevents me from being happy is these expectations. I also realize that these thoughts are set by me, they are set by the standards society has placed upon me. The pressure I place on me is unfair and impossible. There is no script.

I recently went out with some friends and during a side unrelated conversation he said to me, "you're always going to find something wrong if you look for it. So just live." That is what I'm going to focus on in 2014. I know what I want and the things that in my control like my career, my social network, and my happiness I can change for the better.

2014 will be my year.

A 2013 Lookback

Wow what a crazy year and they only seem to be flying by faster and faster.

January: Started writing as a theater critic for Broadway World. The whole thing started because I wanted to see more shows and boy was that what I did this year. I've probably seen more than 50 shows and gotten to know some great people. Overall the experience has taught me how to manage my time. I also realize that I can no longer write well when I'm tired (unlike in college).
May: Crossed off Alaska from my bucket list. We saw real wild killer whales and other marine life. This was definitely a trip of a lifetime.
July: I got the call! I finally got a new job.
August: I quit working at the law firm :( but started my new job in Marketing!

Other achievements
Volunteered more than 60 hours at local non-profits.
Read 38 books

Product Review: Puma shoes, top, tights, jacket

I was lucky enough to receive a pretty sweet sample and share from Crowdtap. It was almost like they knew that I just started running for the first time ever. It was awesome motivation to train for this upcoming 5K.

I hated running. I would find it hard on my knees, ankles, and the shin splints. I  always figured it was because of my horribly flat feet and bad genetics. In the kit was probably more fancy stuff than a beginner runner should have:

• 1 Pair of PUMA Mobium Elite Running Shoes
• 1 Puma Performance Bodywear Tech ACTV Long Sleeve Top
• 1 Pair of Puma Performance Bodywear Tech ACTV Endurance Tights

The shoes fit perfectly and are an awesome orange color. It's super bright and not normally a color I would pick, but at least I won't get hit by a car. In fact, it would be impossible to get hit by a car with the crazy light reflecting jacket. The shoes are designed with amazing bounce. The engineering makes a lot of sense. Like an animal paw, the shoe is designed to spread out on impact. Thus making it super bouncy and have nice support. 

My favorite piece of this package are the tights. They have built in support to hold everything in alignment. Getting them on is a little bit challenging, it's a little like putting on a wetsuit, but once everything is on snug, they're pretty comfortable. 

Overall, I highly recommend the shoes and tights. They are a bit pricey, but totally worth it for people prone to running injuries. 

Mind Over Matter - A Ballet Experiment

Ballerina Kim in 2006 (what a skinny b)

Lately I've been feelings very negative towards myself and my self image. I know it is in my head, but we are all our own worst critic. I've always had this love-hate relationship with ballet. I love it, but at the same time it's physically torturous and you're standing in a mirror wearing skin clenching clothing. I've never considered myself big, but in a leotard you can't hide the jelly rolls. I turned 27 in January and my metabolism turned off.

Growing up, my mother rarely gave us advice that worked, but one thing she usually said was "mind over matter." Yesterday, I was dreading ballet (which happens on Tuesdays), mostly because I decided that stretching was not a top priority and I ate, A LOT. I Googled things that a young dancers should worry about,  more than the casual adult dancer: improve balance, extension, pirouettes. Some of the things I found were helpful, probably more helpful if I were younger.

Now I am the class clown and always have been. I also take class from 8pm - 9:30pm on a Tuesday after working a full day job. By the time class starts I'm either really full and chubby because I ate, or starving and moody. I think you'll also realize that my attention span is that of a goldfish and I can't tell my left from right anymore. I also am very sleepy. Despite these challenges, I show up every week and just dance because it's fun. Can't explain it.

While driving to class I decided that I would test my mom's mind over matter technique, while combining some of the things that I learned from the Internets. I was not expecting a 180-degree turn out or magical splits. I get that those things take time, but I decided that I would focus. I envisioned myself rocking the combinations, sticking balances, and turning better than ever. I also told the class my experiment, mostly so I could hold myself accountable.

At first, focusing was a challenge, but I tried harder than I use to. What I really wanted to do was balance and turn better. During balances I made sure to remember all my tips and envisioned myself rocking it. The first half of class, the jury was still out as to whether the method was working. It was when we were turning across the floor did it actually work. In the past, when I turn I just am wobbly and anti-graceful. I imagined prepping well, having a high leg, turning, and landing perfectly. I just kept focusing on that vision. I also heard my teacher scream: KNEE back. For some reason, all the things aligned (physically and metaphorically). I not only nailed one pirouette, but also pulled off a double (mostly by accident). It was a feeling that I have only felt once before in 2008.

So was this my mind over matter or was it shear luck. I have to say, I was not perfect, but for the first time I felt accomplished in class and satisfied by the end of class. I will definitely experiment for a few more weeks.

Product Review: Cottonelle Fresh Care Flushable Cleansing Cloths

I am not sure where this product has been all my life. These wipes are exactly what I to feel fresh after using the restroom.

The first thing that I noticed when I set up the dispenser was how soft the wipes were and how nice they smelled. They remind me of baby wipes, so I call them grown up wipes.

I talked to my mom about them when I received them. She said she already used them and loved them. Suddenly, I felt like it was the slow adopter.

As expected, the wipes were soft and felt good. The scent was not overwhelming and it felt refreshing. I would definitely continue purchasing these.

Product Review: Meet Jonah the Sea-nic Adventures Sleeping Bag

This is my amazing gift from Johnny. A human-sized whale sleeping bag, which I will use as a snuggie because I do not camp. I also recently learned of my fur-whale fetish. It feels so right being inside this whale cuddly. If I could wear him to work, I would. From what I understand, it is not a social norm to appear in a whale sleeping bag.

I'm not sure that the product would actually be comfortable in a real-life camping situation, but it is very soft and warm. It is possible to fit two small people inside, but definitely a squeeze for two. Cleaning may not be easy, so no eating or drinking inside the whale.

There is a snap to make sure the mouth does not close over the head while sleeping. I find myself also using Jonah as a yoga mat. He's even attacked some of my other stuffed animal.

Once again, ModCloth.com is one of my favorite online store, and where this product was sold. Definitely special thanks to John who took the initiative to purchase it. Jonah has brought quite a lot of joy.

Mid-September Update

I've reached an all time low with my happiness project. I dare say that I am downright miserable. This is health month so I scheduled my doctor's appointments and already went to the eye doctor. I started ballet and I'm officially one month into my new job. By any other means these things would be accomplishments, but instead I feel the opposite. Many people can try to convince me otherwise, but how I feel inside, is how I feel.

Let's start the pity party. I left a job where I was an expert to pursue my dream job. I am sad that I am not at expert level. I know this will come in time, but -1 for confidence. I've been dancing ballet on and off again for 10 years. This is the first time I've looked in the mirror and not liked what I see. The eye doctor says I only need to wear glasses for distance, driving, night-time, and computer (so basically all the time). I'm struggling to find balance.
I feel like the more I try to get a grasp of one thing, another thing falls to pieces. I realize that I'm stressing myself out for no reason, but these things are compounding and I feel like I'm losing it. As a Guest once said:

"You can have all the most beautiful flowers in the world, but I'm not a millionaire."  At first glance it seems like the ramblings of an angry theme park guest, and that may be true, but for some reason this quote years later has stuck with me. It's essentially saying you can have everything and if you make the best of it, then fine; if you don't, then you'll never be happy.

Another thing is that for the first second time in my life, I'm letting some random person dictate my a particular happiness, but unlike the past, this time I actually care. Because I care, I will fight tooth and nail for this happiness. I'll be the first to admit that I pass judgment quickly and harshly. It's not the person as much as the overall feeling of disrespect no matter how true or false a situation is. I'll leave it at that.

So all this combined stuff has done a number of my sanity and confidence. Pity party table for one, my table is ready. I'm playing the world's smallest violin. I suspect that I will just keep going and see what happens. Work smarter, not harder.

Happiness Project: August 2013 - Have Fun Recap

This month was quite interesting. I've had a lot of highs and lows while trying to maintain this month's goals of "Having Fun." I was successful in the fact that I had many adventures that I would have never done, but it was usually only during that time where fun occurred.

This month's goals were to:

• Take local adventures and do fun things. 
• Spend Out
• Take Time
• Say Yes

Spend out I went a little overboard when I went clothes shopping. It was necessary though as my wardrobe is extremely out date. Of course, now I feel much more confident. Spending out is definitely opposite of my character, but it didn't kill me. I think I've learned to balance being frugal with spending enough to be happy. 

I made it a point to have at least one local adventure each weekend. Some of my favorites include the Windermere Food Truck round up, FunSpot, and starting a new job. I also started reading a bunch of adventure books. My adventures were sidelined this past weekend due to a death in my immediate circle. 

September is a not fun month "Get Healthy." The goals of this month:

• Eat well
• Get checked up
• Remove anger
• De-stress

I think my first stop will be the eye doctor. In my old age, it turns out that my vision is horrible. I'll also be starting ballet again on Tuesday. 

A Poem for John

Waves crash on a beach, and I think of you. 
Your smile is as bright as the midday sun.
Your hair the color of foam riding high atop a wave. 
Your kindness and generosity are a beacon in the storm. 
I think of you. 

Gone too soon and my heart feels heavy. 
You close your eyes and you are no longer suffering. 
The sudden pain you felt as your body betrayed you is over now.
Yet your eyes give new life to a lucky soul. 

The cancer came fast. 
A moment of riding high upon the waves, then crashing hard against the surf.
It didn't feel real and certainly not fair.
It is unforgiving,
But you knew. 
You knew anguish and despair,
Which is why you lived and in turn, showed others how to live.

I can see you now. You are at peace. 
The sun is setting. 
I imagine your relief.
You will pave the way for us and we will care for yours.
Farewell surfer dude.
I think of you. 

Rest In Peace John Havenner. 

In Defense of SeaWorld - A response to the Blackfish bias

First and foremost, let me say that I love whales and dolphins. I am the biggest advocate for education and conservation of all marine mammals. I've traveled around the U.S. observing marine mammals in the wild and in various aquarium institutions.

The Blackfish Bias

I have seen the Blackfish documentary and read the reviews of thousands of people jumping onto the bandwagon. There is no doubt that the story of Shamu trainer Dawn Brancheau and Tilikum is tragic. It is also a shame that animals are kept in captivity, but the Blackfish mob seemingly ignores the bias.

Of course whales and other large animals should not be in captivity, but setting them free is not the answer. Nor is refusing to go to a location, in hopes that the place will shut down. I think the opposite effect would happen. Institutions that lose funding or find decrease profits will cut corners in an attempt to save money, which will include staffing and animal care resulting in more deaths and accidents.

If we could go back to the 1960s when the first whales were captured and placed in captivity, then by all means let's do that.  In the meantime, these animals are here, they need to be cared for, their minds stimulated, and their basic needs met.

I'd guess that most of those people who are banging their anti-captivity drums have actually been to an aquarium housing whales or dolphins. I would even go far to say that the first place many people have seen a live whale or dolphin was in an aquarium. For me, I was three years old when my parents brought me to see Shamu in San Diego. That moment, luckily captured on film, when I dropped a dead fish into a dolphin's mouth, was the exact moment that sparked my love for marine mammals.

How many people would make that connection and spark that love for whales if they had to travel and seek such animals? I saved for two years, so I could travel to Alaska and see killer whales in the wild. The moment was magically life affirming, but fleeting. A glimpse of a dorsal fin, the puff of an exhale from the side of the boat, then gone. People don't care for things they cannot see. As much as anyone would hate to admit it, aquariums bridge that connection between animal and human.

Release is not an option

Release and rehabilitation works for some animals. SeaWorld's Animal Rescue and Rehabilitation group releases injured and rehabilitated sea turtles, sea lions, and manatees all the time. In fact, most aquariums partner in some way with either through on-site services or providing funding to help sick or injured animals. This is a win-win because the animals get helped and we learn a little more about them.

Then there are creatures that just cannot be released because they are either too sick or injured, or they were born in captivity. Imagine being raised in America you whole life, then suddenly deported to the jungle with no medication, no food, and no conveniences that you are used to. There are some that say they can develop a process to help with the transition, but in the end, things are never the same. (i.e. Tom Hanks in Cast Away).

Even whales that are released often come in contact with humans and sometimes these interactions are not as friendly as one would imagine. Don't forget that some countries still allow whaling for meat and "research."

There are two whales that I can think of off the top of my head who have been released after living in captivity: "Free Willy" a/k/a Keiko and J.J. the Gray Whale. The release of Keiko hit fever pitch after the Free Willy movies. He spent six years rehabilitating to 'normal' killer whale life before leaving human care. There is no argument that this was time well spent, as he enjoyed the best of both worlds. Then in December 2003, a year after being left to be a whale, Keiko died.

J.J. the Gray Whale was found abandoned by its mother. She was taken into captivity for rehabilitation. J.J. is only the second Gray Whale to be held in captivity as they are large and difficult to care for due to the krill they eat. She grew bigger and healthier thanks to her care takers. Then she was fitted with a tracker and released during the time of Gray Whale migration. Her tag eventually fell off and it is unknown what became of her.

I'm not saying that all releases will end in death, but perhaps the knee-jerk reaction of releasing all whales, some being in captivity for 20 years or more, is not the best plan.

How is a whale in captivity any different than an elephant or a chimpanzee kept in a zoo? In fact, chimpanzees outrank dolphins in intelligence tests. If you argue for one using the intelligence factor, then the same logic must be applied for the others.

Some Whales Got it Worse

Another argument of anti-captivity propagandist is that whales swim hundreds of miles a day and that keeping them in tanks is inhumane. Fair enough, but to claim that SeaWorld is the biggest violator of this misgiving is playing a straw man argument.

Meet Lolita of the Miami Seaquarium. This is the oldest killer whale in captivity. Her tank is about 1/3 the size of a SeaWorld tank and only 20-feet deep. She shares it with a pair of dolphins and is also forced to perform daily. If ever there were an institution to be angry at, it would be places that don't make the millions of dollars to properly care for their animals. I know this, because I worked there for a week.

Conclusion

There really is no happy answer. You can't further a mission of compassion and conservation without having these animals for public view. The animals will never live their full intended animal life being in captivity.

So while some blame the profit mongering institutions, these same places are allowing millions of people to see these animals up close. Don't worry, the U.S. banned the capture of marine mammals with the Marine Mammal Protection Act of 1972. There are ways around this of course by "trading" with countries that do allow capture, but that's a whole other issue.

The message of Blackfish is clear. Captivity bad, freedom good, but SeaWorld is not the enemy, but rather the unfortunate large institution that is being targeted by the propaganda of a half-told story.

August Adventures: Update

This month has been filled with crazy adventures. This evening my parents surprised me by taking me to Windermere's Food Truck Roundup, which is something we've always wanted to do. Every weekend John and I have been going places like Fun Spot America and SeaWorld.

I've even spent some time last week upgrading my wardrobe. Now that I have a grown up job, I need to not only act, but look the part. I've spent more on my wardrobe in a few days than I did for years. I'm just not a designer buyer type of girl. Thank god for Pinterest, because I would have no idea what to wear. In case you want to see what's been inspiring me you can check out my PROfessional Outfits Pinterest board.

Apparently, my stores of choice are The Limited, Express, New York and Co., and Forever 21. I'm a huge fan of reward programs, coupons, and BOGOs.

Onto the last week of August and my third week at the new job!

Can passion make up for natural talent?

On Thursday, I sat through a presentation where one of the points was passion supersedes natural talent. The speaker was meant to be inspiring and thought provoking and he totally was, but this particular point stuck with me.

I'd like to hope that you can use passion alone to get where you'd like to go, but I do not believe that this is the case. For example, ballet is a highly competitive sport. You can take lessons all your life, as well as, live and breathe it every day, but if your feet aren't right or your legs don't turn out a certain way, then the likelihood of your success as a professional decrease. Now you can always spin it as someone who is a ballet dancer that does not dance in a company can always teach or find another job that helps the quell the passion.

So it's an interesting thought that alone passion can get you where you'd like to be in your life.

It doesn't seem real. Other than the fact that people are saying goodbye and that I've eaten more than usual, my mind still has not comprehending that I will start a new job on Monday. I've been in the routine of working seven days a week for almost a year. Now I am thankful to have a Monday through Friday job. If there were an illusion to my feelings it would be like me going to off to college and leaving my friends behind. It's good because of all the new stuff I'll experience, but sad because I will miss the people. I'm nervous, but also trust in my abilities. I've always lived hoping that I made a difference in the world. The generosity of my co-workers is only proof that so far, I've succeeded. Onto the next!

July Happiness Project Recap

My Happiness Project is working and I cannot explain how or why. Though by project standards I did not meet all my July goals, it was still wildly successful. July's focus was "Work" with the goals of:

• Meet New People
• No Gossip
• Listen and Engage
• Learn phrases in Other Languages
• Be Qualified 

The overall outcome was great. I'll be starting a new job in a week, which is something that I've been waiting for years. It will be exciting and hopefully my honeymoon period will last a long time.

The hardest parts of July's goals was no gossip and learning new phrases in other languages. I basically only learned bank phrases when I waited in line at the Bank of America on Sand Lake Road, mostly because of all the signs and non-English speakers. I also tried to learn service phrases, but that died out quickly. The no gossip rule changed mid-month to less gossip, which was much more attainable. I found myself not feeding into the gossip, but it surrounds you sometimes it is hard to escape. I do not think this will be a problem in my new location.

I tried my best to meet new people. This was definitely stepping out of my comfort zone and talking to all sorts of people. It's not my favorite thing, as believe it or not, I'm a naturally more reserved person.

I excelled this month in listen and engage, and of course, being qualified. Any time people came to me with a concern, I would try to stop what I was doing (unless I couldn't) and talk about how they felt about the situation. I found that getting them to understand the situation as a whole, also got the brain thinking. Although, this goes back to me picking and choosing who I engaged with.

Being qualified is something that I was tired of people saying I wasn't. I spent a lot of time on the Internet figuring things out. Any time I did not know something, I'd find the answer to understand it. I'm by no means a rocket scientist now, but I found that I am more qualified to speak on the subjects that interest me. I believe that this reflected in my new job. I can't wait to take what I've learned and apply it.

Now for August! Completely out of my norm is "Have Fun" month. I so rarely have fun to the point where I am miserable. I mean for goodness sake I work 7-days a week (and some nights) and get home exhausted. Now, I have a normal Monday through Friday job and although the thought of getting a weekend job crossed my mind, John and my parents agreed I should not (at least not yet).

So for August fun month the goals are:

• Take local adventures
• Spend Out
• Take Time
• Say Yes

Florida, from what I am told, is a fun place. I plan to go do all the things that I've heard about since becoming a resident here four years ago. Spending out means, stop being a cheap person and spend the cash that I've earned. This is scary because I hate spending money, but we'll see. Take time. I think this means for me to just enjoy doing nothing and really taking care of myself. Say yes is dangerous. I say yes all the time then end up over committed and exhausted. So I think saying yes to fun and adventure will be how I interpret it. 

Some trips I'd like to make are: Gatorland, the Beach, Weiki Watchi Springs, Food Trucks, the other beach, the zoo, etc. Should be exciting. I think my family has caught on to these experiments. I felt bad for a second subjecting everyone to my monthly goals, but I think it's working. August should be a good one for us all. 

Product Review: Simple Sugars Body Scrubs

Ok, I'm not one to see something on TV and feels the need to buy it, but all the stars aligned: I had some expendable income that was burning a hole in my pocket; I have insanely dry skin in the summer; and I was watching TV.

I was watching ABC's SharkTank, which is where people pitch these ideas to D-list celebrities who have money to invest in businesses. My parents and I watch this from time to time. A young, well-spoken woman came on and pitched her sugar scrub line. Typical stuff with all natural ingredients that promise smooth skin and maybe some cures for dry skin. I wasn't committed at the time, but I though "oh how nice." Later that night, I felt the itch to buy something and decided to check out some web sites. I need shoes, clothes, and gasoline. I also decided to check out the Simple Sugars website.

First, I was impressed by the tone. Lani (the creator) chooses a more informal tone that clearly targets younger women. Then she grabbed me by the variety of smells and scrub products. I am not a scrub person, actually, I am not a person who puts myself within my top 10 priorities; however, I am trying to change that. I need to take better care of myself, but more on that later.

The prices were fair. For a 16-oz tub of scrub is $16.95, while an 8-oz tub is $11.95. Logic told me to just go make my own scrub with a Pinterest recipe, but 1) I do not have time, 2) don't have the patience to be mixing oils, and 3) probably would end up making a product that would burn my face off. Also, I love supporting small businesses. If I look at a business model and immediately think "Oh I'd love to work there," then I do not mind spending my money.

So I forego the shoes, clothes, and gasoline for two weeks and bought two scrubs. Green Tea with Tea Tree Oil 5-oz Facial Scrub for $16.95 and a Peach-scented body scrub. For some reason, I was insanely excited and couldn't wait for the product to get here. Due to the popularity of the scrub after the re-airing of the television episode, it took a little longer than expected, but a reasonable amount of time.

Today the product got here in a cute little box. It comes with tiny stirring spoons. I love tiny spoons! You start by using the tiny spoons to mix the sugar, so the oils are evenly distributed. Then you put some stuff on your fingers and scrub. Immediately, I was hit by the aromas, which were pleasant. It was difficult trying to determine the consistency of the scrub. You don't want it too wet or too dry. I think I went too dry this first time. I started with the facial scrub. It felt rough, but good. I left it on for a few moments as I hopped into the shower. As I rinsed it off, I could feel what felt like an oily film on my face, but then I realized that was just smoothness. The scrub does not feel oily at all. In fact, my skin is insanely smooth.

Tomorrow, I will try the Peach body scrub and cannot wait! I think I will make this my Saturday/Sunday routine. Just something to treat myself.

Lecture review: Microinequities

Today I attended an interesting lecture about micro-inequities. In a nutshell, it's all the passive aggressive actions intentional or unintentional that can occur in a conversation. For example leaving someone off an important email chain may make that person feel left out, though the sender may have not done it intentionally. What I learned is that there are at least two sides to every action even if the intentions were meant to be good.

The speaker was Michael Freeman from UCF. He started by asking two questions to ponder:
- How do you reward yourself?
- How do you punish yourself?

As he suspected, most people do not reward themselves enough and that the punishments that we do to ourselves when things go wrong are far too severe. These actions that we do to ourselves also reflect exactly how we treat others professionally and personally.

Another interesting concept that he touched on briefly was "empathy fatigue." This is when you no longer care  or more professionally: "Emotional detachment brought about by prolonged emotional exposure." In other words, being so consumed by something whether it's work or personal problems that all emotions of sympathy become the same. I can say that I suffer from this and I'd wager that 75% of my colleagues do too. I would love to discuss ways to break this chain, but Freeman also said that he put forth a rule that says "I will only work as hard as my boss/client." 

I've always been one to say that change starts from the top down. I try to embody the ideals that I strive to maintain in my personal and professional life, but in the end, you are responsible for yourself and your actions. 

In conclusion Freeman said something that stuck with me: "You can't control what someone else does, you can only control how you react." He challenged each of us to be brave and have meaningful conversations. If it's a sensitive topic, then the only way to clear the air is to ask the question "why do you say that?" This is because we should always be open to learning and only when all parties are willing to listen and understand, can anything be solved. 

Being Qualified

This month one of my goals is to "Be Qualified." This goal came about after I got tired of not getting job interviews because I do not meet the minimum job requirements, despite being fully capable of performing the job.

On a side note: me getting tired of not being able to do ____. Is usually how I get myself into some strange flights of fancy. I wonder at one point does one decide to give up pursuing flights of fancy. In recent months, I've become aware that I should settle down, but it's hard without a job that pays  enough to live independently.

I've started exploring the idea of going back to school again. This time for my Master's degree. The biggest roadblocks are finances and, of course, time. Then of course, this would be the last degree I would get before embarking on my career. I've considered a few things from an MFA in writing to MBA in Marketing to Certificate in Information Technology. I can safely say that I know what I do not want to do. I also know my life goal is to have a career where the work I do makes a difference. I'd also preferably like to be paid enough to live comfortably and provide for my family.

I also hate that I only speak two languages: English and Tourist. Ideally, I'd like to learn to speak Spanish, Portuguese, or some Asian language. I'll be working on this.

There was a time when the Bachelor's Degree guaranteed that you got a good job. Now the whole scheme has shifted. Everyone has a Bachelor's Degree and the edge is for those with the Master's. I'd be curious to see if in the future you'd need a Ph. D. to get an entry level job.

Those who know me over the past decade know that my flights of fancy usually last for 2-years before I get bored and want to do something else. I simply cannot afford this anymore. It's time to grow up. Not to mention it's expensive to go to school and change career paths.

I know that my mind is restless now. I want so much more than what I have now, but I also know that I should be happy with what I have. Sometimes, I feel like a little girl trapped in a tower with no way out, but to burn my way down. *End dramatic note*

Pinterest Project: Upcycling T-shirt into vest

Lately I've had this urge to do a DIY from Pinterest. Some of my pinterest projects go really well (mostly the food ones), and others are misses. My project today was to upcycle an old T-shirt. I have tons of t-shirts from all the 5K volunteering I've been doing this year. I found my project here. It was pretty quick, all I needed was a shirt and a pair of scissors.

I started with this pretty bright yellow shirt (that I'd never wear in public), then started cutting. It felt wrong cutting a perfectly good shirt. Usually these end up in my donation pile after a year, but since this entire month is about doing things, I figured it's just one shirt.

Choosing to Be Happy - June Recap

Earlier this month I started my Happiness Project. In June I chose to focus on my Relationships (mostly with John). I set my goals to:

• Accept and appreciate him for what he is fully
• Give positive encouragement
• Show Up
• Don't judge/ Stop Nagging

What better way to start than a two-week vacation. It started off pretty rocky and I needed to remind myself constantly about my goals. Overall, I would say June was wildly successful. I have not asked John about this month, but I think my attitude shift has had a positive impact on our relationship. I made huge leaps in accepting people for who they are. John is sweet, caring, hard-working, honest, and loving. Choosing to focus on the good traits about him, reminded me to stop nagging and judging. 

I also focused on a lot on giving positive encouragement, again, in my attempt to stop nagging. I dare proclaim this a success! A large portion of my stress is both of our jobs, which directly correlates to the success of our future. Using positive encouragement, I try to boost his confidence. Well, John is starting a new job shortly, definitely on the path he's worked for and I hopefully will too. 

This month's goals also spilled into my relationships with other people, whether it be at work, or complete strangers. I interact with strangers a lot in my job. A little part of me will always judge people for poor spelling or the poor choices that they make; however, I am trying to understand from their perspective. 

Finally, the goal of "Showing Up" is on my list several times. To me, this means showing support for people by being their for them mentally and physically. I find this to be most challenging because of my tight schedule. I worked hard to have dinner dates with friends, attending events hosted by friends (aka Geek Trivia), and listening to people. This is hard, and I am tired and possibly over-extended, but it feels good being there. 

So am I happier? Well, I can say yes! I had a fantastic trip, I appreciate more, I've done many things that I never thought I would do and I'm focusing on a more positive future. So far, so good!

What's up for July? Ironically, I'd like to focus on work. I will:

• Meet new people
• No Gossip
• Listen and engage
• Learn phrases in other languages
• Be qualified

Positive Thinking vs. Detachment from Reality

Here's an interesting question for you followers of positive thinking. When does positive thinking and positive vision become detachment from reality?

In review: According to The Power and The Secret by Rhonda Powell, the Laws of Attraction state that if you think positive thoughts and envision what you want, will eventually come to you. I believe there's some truth to the statement being that in order to feel happier, one must actually want to be happy. For that matter, one must believe in happiness. (Original Happiness Project blog here).

So you wander around life thinking the best in everything and every situation. You hope for the perfect outcome and supposedly it will come? It's a kind of head-in-the-clouds approach. My dad shook me back into reality today regarding a certain topic when he said "Isn't that what you said last time?" Which was complete true. (In case you were wondering, what I said was: "I really feel it this time. This is going to be my big break.") I was trying to be uber positive and envision myself in a certain location, but it fell apart. I ended up being depressed and lost for a few weeks, then off on another flight of fancy.

Is positive thinking a band aid for reality?

Take for example horoscopes. I'm a strong believer in astrology. I've studied it, but since then lessened the mania. Though one of my first things when I find out someone's birthday is to determine how their sun sign matches with my own. My friend, Phil, is the exact opposite and he is quick to point out that broad statements found in horoscopes will apply if you believe that they will happen. Any situation for that matter

So if your horoscope says something terrible is going to happen, and you believe in astrology, then you'll be more sensitive to looking for the thing that makes the horoscope true. Hey, we all need something to believe in - something to know that the things that happen to us may be out of our control all along.

Luckily, like a good parent my dad saw reality hit me and brought me back from worrying. He reminded me "No regrets, right?" He's right. I don't have no time fo' no regrets.

What is real?

In the past I've always guarded myself, many time self-deprecating and shielding with negative thoughts. That may be closer to reality, but I'm not ready to give up the positive stuff yet. I have a couple of friends from college who seem to exude positive energy. Yet, they seem happy and wildly successful.

In conclusion, I think it's okay to be positive, but have realistic expectations.

 "Don't wish, Don't Start. Wishing only wounds the heart." - Wicked

Day 10 : June 5th Vancouver to Seattle

June 5th

I keep saying this, but this was a great day. John and I started out visiting the Vancouver Aquarium. It reminded me a lot of NEAQ, both of which has a focus on education and local marine life. I love visiting institutions like this. The only bad part was the random and unexpected butterfly garden. John does well when I get into the phobia/paranoia mode. This aquarium also allowed me to see the only sea mammals I missed on the cruise. This was also the first time I saw a Pacific Whitesided Dolphin, which are native to the West coast.

After the aquarium we walked the famous seawall. I've gotten use to walking at this point and so I had the bright idea to walk along the wall from the aquarium to the bridge. Then lured by the next turn and the next we kept walking. According to the mile markers we walked 3.6 miles, which is fine given the amount of calories we consumed on the ship.

Around 4pm we decided to start driving back to Seattle. The longest part was crossing the border from Canada to the US. It was not a good idea to try to do so during rush hour on a weekend. It took about 45-minutes, but luckily we were close enough to turn our phones back on for entertainment. Side note: During the week my phone was off I received 68-emails. Mostly spam, but also some interesting writing opportunities.

John found an interest road a/k/a the scenic route. I have an affinity for the scenic route. In this case, weeks earlier I told him about my dream to be driving along a cliff with water on one side and cliff on the other. He found State Road 11, which had exactly such a route. We stopped at every lookout point we could find. John and Alex the Whale were so patient as I took an obnoxious amount of photos to remember each place.

We stopped at Larrabee State Park around 8pm, with the park closing at 9pm. It was still daylight as we hiked a bit to a hidden and deserted pebble beach. I've dreamed of a place like this. It's not a beach with waves or sand, but worn logs in a protected cove. When I think of Washington state and Oregon, I think of scenes like this. The water gently lapping onto the shore. I was certain that whales would love to hang out there, but I was also sure that we wouldn't see them.

I had another phobia moment when we noticed thousands of caterpillars on anything wooden. Again, John did very well handling me during the freak out. I lost my mind as I envisioned those thousands of caterpillars turning into thousands of butterflies. Yuck! Thinking about it now sends shivers up my spine.

We continued driving through coastal towns and through beautiful roads where the trees towered above forming a cathedral-like ceiling. We passed through farms that found fertile ground in the valleys between the sea and the mountains. More domestic animals like cows, sheep, horses, and llamas.

We made it back to Seattle by 10pm. When I rented the car my gut told me to buy the full insurance. I normally wouldn't, but I did anyway. Good thing too because within 10-minutes away from our destination a rock hit and cracked the windshield. I worried for a bit, but luckily the insurance covered it completely.

We checked in our final night before the flights in the morning. Here's a fun side story. (If you're John's mom don't read anymore.) I got out of the shower in the morning, changed, and started packing, while John was still asleep. I decided not to nag as part of my happiness project and figured that he would get up eventually, so we could return the car. Well, he woke up very briskly when the fire alarm went off at 8am. John starts running towards the door, and I think great fire! Except he turns and runs into the bathroom. I guess, no time like the present. I quickly threw our stuff into the bags and checked out to see if there is a real fire. I return after not smelling smoke, but the alarm was still going off. Where was John? He was taking a shower. I joke because John hears a fire alarm and his first instinct is to take a shower.  Not a short shower either. I really need to get him to read The Survivors Club. Part of me felt bad for leaving him, but I wasn't about to potentially die. During his lengthy shower, with the alarm going off, I plotted several additional escape routes in case I was wrong.

Cut to returning the car and rushing to the airport. The rest is history and well documented via Facebook. Definite kudos go out to John who pretty much handled our travelling crisis as I was incapacitated by rage and hormones.