Mid-September Update

I've reached an all time low with my happiness project. I dare say that I am downright miserable. This is health month so I scheduled my doctor's appointments and already went to the eye doctor. I started ballet and I'm officially one month into my new job. By any other means these things would be accomplishments, but instead I feel the opposite. Many people can try to convince me otherwise, but how I feel inside, is how I feel.

Let's start the pity party. I left a job where I was an expert to pursue my dream job. I am sad that I am not at expert level. I know this will come in time, but -1 for confidence. I've been dancing ballet on and off again for 10 years. This is the first time I've looked in the mirror and not liked what I see. The eye doctor says I only need to wear glasses for distance, driving, night-time, and computer (so basically all the time). I'm struggling to find balance.
I feel like the more I try to get a grasp of one thing, another thing falls to pieces. I realize that I'm stressing myself out for no reason, but these things are compounding and I feel like I'm losing it. As a Guest once said:

"You can have all the most beautiful flowers in the world, but I'm not a millionaire."  At first glance it seems like the ramblings of an angry theme park guest, and that may be true, but for some reason this quote years later has stuck with me. It's essentially saying you can have everything and if you make the best of it, then fine; if you don't, then you'll never be happy.

Another thing is that for the first second time in my life, I'm letting some random person dictate my a particular happiness, but unlike the past, this time I actually care. Because I care, I will fight tooth and nail for this happiness. I'll be the first to admit that I pass judgment quickly and harshly. It's not the person as much as the overall feeling of disrespect no matter how true or false a situation is. I'll leave it at that.

So all this combined stuff has done a number of my sanity and confidence. Pity party table for one, my table is ready. I'm playing the world's smallest violin. I suspect that I will just keep going and see what happens. Work smarter, not harder.