A Year in Review: 2013 and my expectations for 2014

If you've ever felt that you're failing at life then you know how I feel. When we are growing up we have all sorts of charts and expectations to measure whether or not we are progressing "normally." That of course all ends at college and then you're expected to get a job, get a house, get married, have a family and so on until you die.

I think a source of my frustration is that I've always been on top of that bell curve until I graduated college. Since then my life has fallen short of the imagined life I would have had. Now, it's nothing dramatic I'm grateful for my health, my job with mediocre pay, my family, my home, but my biggest mistake is comparing my life to my peers. I am a failure. I haven't published my book, in fact I didn't finish writing it. I just switched my career back on the track it should have been started four years ago. And for some unknown reason I cannot move out of my parents house. My life right now is like a coming of age movie except without the humor. Don't get me wrong, the ride has been great, but the biggest plague that prevents me from being happy is these expectations. I also realize that these thoughts are set by me, they are set by the standards society has placed upon me. The pressure I place on me is unfair and impossible. There is no script.

I recently went out with some friends and during a side unrelated conversation he said to me, "you're always going to find something wrong if you look for it. So just live." That is what I'm going to focus on in 2014. I know what I want and the things that in my control like my career, my social network, and my happiness I can change for the better.

2014 will be my year.

A 2013 Lookback

Wow what a crazy year and they only seem to be flying by faster and faster.

January: Started writing as a theater critic for Broadway World. The whole thing started because I wanted to see more shows and boy was that what I did this year. I've probably seen more than 50 shows and gotten to know some great people. Overall the experience has taught me how to manage my time. I also realize that I can no longer write well when I'm tired (unlike in college).
May: Crossed off Alaska from my bucket list. We saw real wild killer whales and other marine life. This was definitely a trip of a lifetime.
July: I got the call! I finally got a new job.
August: I quit working at the law firm :( but started my new job in Marketing!

Other achievements
Volunteered more than 60 hours at local non-profits.
Read 38 books

Product Review: Puma shoes, top, tights, jacket

I was lucky enough to receive a pretty sweet sample and share from Crowdtap. It was almost like they knew that I just started running for the first time ever. It was awesome motivation to train for this upcoming 5K.

I hated running. I would find it hard on my knees, ankles, and the shin splints. I  always figured it was because of my horribly flat feet and bad genetics. In the kit was probably more fancy stuff than a beginner runner should have:

• 1 Pair of PUMA Mobium Elite Running Shoes
• 1 Puma Performance Bodywear Tech ACTV Long Sleeve Top
• 1 Pair of Puma Performance Bodywear Tech ACTV Endurance Tights

The shoes fit perfectly and are an awesome orange color. It's super bright and not normally a color I would pick, but at least I won't get hit by a car. In fact, it would be impossible to get hit by a car with the crazy light reflecting jacket. The shoes are designed with amazing bounce. The engineering makes a lot of sense. Like an animal paw, the shoe is designed to spread out on impact. Thus making it super bouncy and have nice support. 

My favorite piece of this package are the tights. They have built in support to hold everything in alignment. Getting them on is a little bit challenging, it's a little like putting on a wetsuit, but once everything is on snug, they're pretty comfortable. 

Overall, I highly recommend the shoes and tights. They are a bit pricey, but totally worth it for people prone to running injuries. 

Mind Over Matter - A Ballet Experiment

Ballerina Kim in 2006 (what a skinny b)

Lately I've been feelings very negative towards myself and my self image. I know it is in my head, but we are all our own worst critic. I've always had this love-hate relationship with ballet. I love it, but at the same time it's physically torturous and you're standing in a mirror wearing skin clenching clothing. I've never considered myself big, but in a leotard you can't hide the jelly rolls. I turned 27 in January and my metabolism turned off.

Growing up, my mother rarely gave us advice that worked, but one thing she usually said was "mind over matter." Yesterday, I was dreading ballet (which happens on Tuesdays), mostly because I decided that stretching was not a top priority and I ate, A LOT. I Googled things that a young dancers should worry about,  more than the casual adult dancer: improve balance, extension, pirouettes. Some of the things I found were helpful, probably more helpful if I were younger.

Now I am the class clown and always have been. I also take class from 8pm - 9:30pm on a Tuesday after working a full day job. By the time class starts I'm either really full and chubby because I ate, or starving and moody. I think you'll also realize that my attention span is that of a goldfish and I can't tell my left from right anymore. I also am very sleepy. Despite these challenges, I show up every week and just dance because it's fun. Can't explain it.

While driving to class I decided that I would test my mom's mind over matter technique, while combining some of the things that I learned from the Internets. I was not expecting a 180-degree turn out or magical splits. I get that those things take time, but I decided that I would focus. I envisioned myself rocking the combinations, sticking balances, and turning better than ever. I also told the class my experiment, mostly so I could hold myself accountable.

At first, focusing was a challenge, but I tried harder than I use to. What I really wanted to do was balance and turn better. During balances I made sure to remember all my tips and envisioned myself rocking it. The first half of class, the jury was still out as to whether the method was working. It was when we were turning across the floor did it actually work. In the past, when I turn I just am wobbly and anti-graceful. I imagined prepping well, having a high leg, turning, and landing perfectly. I just kept focusing on that vision. I also heard my teacher scream: KNEE back. For some reason, all the things aligned (physically and metaphorically). I not only nailed one pirouette, but also pulled off a double (mostly by accident). It was a feeling that I have only felt once before in 2008.

So was this my mind over matter or was it shear luck. I have to say, I was not perfect, but for the first time I felt accomplished in class and satisfied by the end of class. I will definitely experiment for a few more weeks.

Product Review: Cottonelle Fresh Care Flushable Cleansing Cloths

I am not sure where this product has been all my life. These wipes are exactly what I to feel fresh after using the restroom.

The first thing that I noticed when I set up the dispenser was how soft the wipes were and how nice they smelled. They remind me of baby wipes, so I call them grown up wipes.

I talked to my mom about them when I received them. She said she already used them and loved them. Suddenly, I felt like it was the slow adopter.

As expected, the wipes were soft and felt good. The scent was not overwhelming and it felt refreshing. I would definitely continue purchasing these.

Product Review: Meet Jonah the Sea-nic Adventures Sleeping Bag

This is my amazing gift from Johnny. A human-sized whale sleeping bag, which I will use as a snuggie because I do not camp. I also recently learned of my fur-whale fetish. It feels so right being inside this whale cuddly. If I could wear him to work, I would. From what I understand, it is not a social norm to appear in a whale sleeping bag.

I'm not sure that the product would actually be comfortable in a real-life camping situation, but it is very soft and warm. It is possible to fit two small people inside, but definitely a squeeze for two. Cleaning may not be easy, so no eating or drinking inside the whale.

There is a snap to make sure the mouth does not close over the head while sleeping. I find myself also using Jonah as a yoga mat. He's even attacked some of my other stuffed animal.

Once again, ModCloth.com is one of my favorite online store, and where this product was sold. Definitely special thanks to John who took the initiative to purchase it. Jonah has brought quite a lot of joy.

Mid-September Update

I've reached an all time low with my happiness project. I dare say that I am downright miserable. This is health month so I scheduled my doctor's appointments and already went to the eye doctor. I started ballet and I'm officially one month into my new job. By any other means these things would be accomplishments, but instead I feel the opposite. Many people can try to convince me otherwise, but how I feel inside, is how I feel.

Let's start the pity party. I left a job where I was an expert to pursue my dream job. I am sad that I am not at expert level. I know this will come in time, but -1 for confidence. I've been dancing ballet on and off again for 10 years. This is the first time I've looked in the mirror and not liked what I see. The eye doctor says I only need to wear glasses for distance, driving, night-time, and computer (so basically all the time). I'm struggling to find balance.
I feel like the more I try to get a grasp of one thing, another thing falls to pieces. I realize that I'm stressing myself out for no reason, but these things are compounding and I feel like I'm losing it. As a Guest once said:

"You can have all the most beautiful flowers in the world, but I'm not a millionaire."  At first glance it seems like the ramblings of an angry theme park guest, and that may be true, but for some reason this quote years later has stuck with me. It's essentially saying you can have everything and if you make the best of it, then fine; if you don't, then you'll never be happy.

Another thing is that for the first second time in my life, I'm letting some random person dictate my a particular happiness, but unlike the past, this time I actually care. Because I care, I will fight tooth and nail for this happiness. I'll be the first to admit that I pass judgment quickly and harshly. It's not the person as much as the overall feeling of disrespect no matter how true or false a situation is. I'll leave it at that.

So all this combined stuff has done a number of my sanity and confidence. Pity party table for one, my table is ready. I'm playing the world's smallest violin. I suspect that I will just keep going and see what happens. Work smarter, not harder.

Happiness Project: August 2013 - Have Fun Recap

This month was quite interesting. I've had a lot of highs and lows while trying to maintain this month's goals of "Having Fun." I was successful in the fact that I had many adventures that I would have never done, but it was usually only during that time where fun occurred.

This month's goals were to:

• Take local adventures and do fun things. 
• Spend Out
• Take Time
• Say Yes

Spend out I went a little overboard when I went clothes shopping. It was necessary though as my wardrobe is extremely out date. Of course, now I feel much more confident. Spending out is definitely opposite of my character, but it didn't kill me. I think I've learned to balance being frugal with spending enough to be happy. 

I made it a point to have at least one local adventure each weekend. Some of my favorites include the Windermere Food Truck round up, FunSpot, and starting a new job. I also started reading a bunch of adventure books. My adventures were sidelined this past weekend due to a death in my immediate circle. 

September is a not fun month "Get Healthy." The goals of this month:

• Eat well
• Get checked up
• Remove anger
• De-stress

I think my first stop will be the eye doctor. In my old age, it turns out that my vision is horrible. I'll also be starting ballet again on Tuesday.