10 things you shouldn't say to a customer service person

I've heard a lot of crazy things in my life as a customer service agent.  Here is a list of the top 10 things that do not help your case and will probably make me judge you.

1. "I have 200 friends on facebook and I'm going to be sure to tell them never to go to ____" Wow, only 200 friends.  That's the problem with social media these days, most people think they're more important than they really are.  So you have 200 friend, one or two may actually read your posts while the other 198 don't give a shit. 
2. "I can't believe your office isn't open 24-hours a day." What a noble idea to help the economy, but let me ask you this, would you like to stay up until the wee hours working? Neither do I. 
3. "I know ____, he's the owner of the company."  Oh really?! Then why are you calling me instead of him. Again, if you're so important and on his radar, then by all means go through that channel and leave me alone. 
4. "My kid has (insert mental of physical handicap) and I can't believe you treated us this way. I'm going to write to the ADA."  If we were doing something illegal, I would know.  The ADA says "reasonable accommodations," not special treatment. I understand that in some cases you may need extra assistance, but don't milk it. You're ruining it for the people that truly need help.
5. "I only want to speak to a supervisor." Believe it or not, I have the same authority as my supervisor. In fact, my supervisor is just there to make sure I don't hang myself while listening to rant.  So don't start off on the wrong foot by belittling me. 
6. "Well, no one ever told me...." Sounds like a personal problem.  Why don't you try taking some responsibility for your actions.  I don't just show up places and expect them to tell me everything I need to know.  You would end up more mad if you had to take a class every time you tried to go somewhere or do something.  A little tiny bit of effort on your part goes a long way.
7. "That will be the last time I EVER visit you, I'm going to (competitor)" Bye! I'm pretty sure you'll be back though, the next time your kids beg to come visit. And I KNOW you'll be back if I give you free stuff. Sucker.
8. "I paid in cash and have no receipt, but I swear I'm not lying" Hello red flag.  You see yourself as a brilliant actor. I see you as a mother fucking scammer. Stop wasting my time.
9. "Hi, I'm standing outside the customer service area and they're not helping me." The mommy vs daddy routine works sometimes, but most times it means that you didn't get the answer you want because what you want goes against our rules. Calling us, isn't going to help you. Talk to the people in front of you.
10. "I think I should be compensated for my pain and suffering." May I please bring this into perspective.  In your mind you may have suffered, but you should be thanking your lucky stars that you are not enslaved, sick, destitute, starving.  Instead of wasting your money on self-indulgence, why don't you do something that matters.